Its really tough to start your mission trip with a day of spiritual warfare, however, God does not allow me to give up.
First, due to some reason named this and that, I have no sleep at all last night. Well, I don't feel sleepy, but clearly I am not well functioned.
Second, I keep asking myself this morning, what have I left not yet packed? I think, I think and I think. Nothing, should not be anything. At the airport: it's the Bible…! What? Yes, going mission trip without carrying your Bible. What a shame…!
Money, this is my fault actually, I forget to go buy US dollars, thus have to rush to the bank to get some. Thanks God, just a small line up, but the rate has gone up today.
Then, Hwy 401 got an accident, a huge parking lot. What a normal thing to happen on your not normal day. Thanks God, there is hwy 407, although its toll.
At the check in counter I was bumped up from 1240 flight to 1130. Messing my plan of having a peaceful lunch at the airport, as I was told only 15 minutes for custom and boarding. But finally the flight is delayed for another 30 minutes without notice. I am ok, as God already practice me with no lunch on Tuesday. Wow, how amazing the arrangement is…!
A phone call to Bell customer service shock me with the news of outgoing txt msg in US cost 60cents, it used to be included in my plan…!!! Well, the phone company never tells you that they secretly increase their charges in your already expensive phone bill. But thanks God for reminding me to call Bell before I am in US stupidly thinking that everything is free when its is fee.
Emotions build up during the wait for the flight. All my low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, worry to fail… all suddenly build up during that waiting period. What a big spiritual warfare. Thanks God for cooling me down, as I have to walk outdoor to aboard the plane under the -20 windchill.
The struggles seems not wanting to end after leaving Toronto, and a good 90 minutes of sleep during the flight.
At Newark Airport, I was already deadly hungry, yes, the airline now cut cost to the point not even give nuts or water to u…! The terminal map clearly stated that A&W is there… the only food store that interest me. However, what I saw when I arrived is a big renovation wall. Sigh… okie, I try find something for me interest to eat, and I finally found this store with "Loaded Fries", fries with cheese and bacon, yummy…! But fat tummy…!
Emotional struggles come up again during the three hours wait. I keep asking God, why its me? Is that always me who has the problem? Why always not being correctly understood, or being misunderstood or not even not willing to understand me… Why it has to be me who is wrong every time? Am I look so bad that not worthy to be trusted? Why I cannot be myself? Why its wrong for me to choose? Why? Why? And Why? These are questions I know that I should not have asked. But there they are. Faith, where is my faith to God? Hope, where is my hope to God? Love, where is my love to God? Hey Kelvin, wake up, stand up, keep fighting… its battle time…! I know I have to fight, but I need to regroup myself. I got five hours up high in the sky (closer to God??) for me to do that, God, thank you for these five hours. I really need that very much.
During those five hours, a lot of turbulence, real turbulence, however, always peaceful after going thru it. Like my emotions, turbulence, but peaceful after all.
Last but not least have to thank all the brothers and sister for their hospitality.
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